Posted By admin on October 28, 2009

I am the New Sex Machine.

You like sex.

I manufacture it.

It’s my job.

I thought for my first post I would show you some other apparatuses that manufacture sex, tease and tantalize yr Jesus parts, and are just plain fucking weird.

These little lovelies are ELECTRIC and they shock you. Notice the label to the left . . . eh hem.

Pussy Paddles

“So I have this really hot friend, you plug him in and he heats up and vibrates! You can only chillax with him in a large confined space and don’t burn yr ANUZZZ or VAGGG. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING HIM A BLOW J!”

Two in the Pink, One in the Stink

Look! His shoes match his complexion perfectly!

Rudolf

This seems like a really good idea, but what about gas and pressure and speed and how do those things actually feel when they grace yr anatomy. After all that thought, I would just spit on it and do it the old fashioned way. Call me proper . . .

How Many Licks?

If I ever get to the point where I have to stick my FUCKING DICK into a plastic FUCKING DOLL it would have to be on a FUCKING BIKE, so I could drive my self off a FUCKING CLIFF when I was done.  Amen.

Tea for Two

Just look through yr old year books and try to find the person most likely to have come up with this shit.  Now that’s a Senior Most you can be proud of.

The Annihilator

It lights up. I wonder if you can see it working while it beats yr lovers guts.

All I can think about when I look at this one . . . other than the word FUCKING, for obvious reasons, is that shitty movie The Time Machine. Those gears just throw that Hollywood flop right up in my little BRAIN . . . it’s the darnedest thing! I SWWWEEEAAAR!

The Lighthouse

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